When Your Friend’s Girlfriend Maybe Makes a Move

Here’s the skinny.  A friend of mine and his wife were having a party at their home this past weekend.  Another friend of mine who would be attending the party with his girlfriend asked me to pick her up at his place, which is not far from mine.  He was working late and was using her car because his was in the shop.  Then he would meet us at the party.  I’ve met her before.  Sh’s nice.  But she’s one of those girls that makes you seam suspicious of her.  She gives off a a sneaky vibe.

I pick her up.  Conversation in the car was pretty normal.  Except that she kept telling me that I need to get a girlfriend so we can all (mutual friends)  go out together and I won’t be the fifth wheel.  I hate when someone makes a comment like that to me.  She kept rattling off friends she wanted to hook me up with.  Anyway, we get to the party.  Everything’s fine.  Everyone’s drinking and having a good time.  I was sitting on the couch.  I was rubbing my neck because I slept on it wrong the night before.  All of a sudden, I feel hands massaging my neck.  I turn and it’s my buddies girlfriend.  Now, I’m not a scumbag in any way.  And even if I was, I wouldn’t let a friend’s girl start rubbing me in the middle of a party.  That’s disrespectful.  I push her hands off and tell her I’m good.  She told ME it’s fine and that I looked like I needed some loosening up.

Later on in the night, I’m talking to a group of people and I feel hands on my neck again.  I shook them off and turned.  It was my buddies GF again.  I gave her a dirty look.  Then she tries to make it out to the other people standing there that I’m a weirdo for throwing her hands off and not taking neck rub.

I wanted to to go right to my buddy and tell him what happened.  On my way, I was stopped by hostess of the party who saw what transpired the second time and asked me what was up.  I told her.  She told me that she didn’t like the GF either, but not to tell our friend.  She said that maybe she had a little too much to drink and was just being flirty.  So I backed off and let it go.

It’s still on my mind.  I know some times women do get touchy feely and flirty when they drink.  And my friend does seem to really like her and I don’t want to upset him.  But my gut is usually right.  I think she is sneaky and who knows what she could be doing behind his back.  Further more, he is a little gullible, especially with women.  He has a soft heart and is really easy going and laid back.  Sometimes, too much for his own good.

What do my wonderful followers think.  Should I say something to him?

 

Thank You, But No Thank You

For those of you that were following me and my “Thankless” gal, it ended this past weekend.  She felt that our senses of humor were too different and I might be too high energy for her.  She did thank me though:)

Thank You Follow Up

First off, THANK YOU to those that offered your opinions about the “thank you” post.

In the most non confrontational way, I brought it up after dinner at a quiet bar over a cocktail.  I flat out asked her why she doesn’t say “thank you” when someone does something for her.  I didn’t say there was something bothering me.  It was a straight up question. She said she thinks it in her head, but that she gets caught up in the moment when the action is happening and forgets to say it, sometimes.  (Never in my presence has she said it.)  She said she needs to say it.  Okay fine.  She smiles and I think to myself that I’m going to let it go.

But then she says someone brought it up to her before.  I wanted to ask why she didn’t start saying it after that.  But I didn’t.  I thought I will wait and see if she starts saying it.  It wasn’t too awkward.  I felt like it should have been though, for her.  I’m wondering if it hit home with her.  Or because I made it easy and didn’t get into how I feel it’s manners 101 and common sense to say it, that she didn’t think I thought it was a big deal when I do in fact think it’s kind of a big deal.  

 I’ll keep everyone posted on what happens.  THANK YOU for reading this:)

 

 

 

 

 

When Does Picky Become Too Picky

I’ve gone on a couple dates with a gal I met on Okcupid.  We have a lot in common.  And she’s attractive and intelligent.  But there is one thing that irks me about her.  She doesn’t say thank you.  I buy dinner.  I open the car door for her.  Flowers. But I never get a thank you.  

I didn’t realize it at first.  But then I did and it started to bother me.   I don’t feel like she has a sense of entitlement. She’s very nice and she does give me compliments.  But there’s something about not saying thank you that bothers me.  When we were out to dinner last, I knocked her silverware on the floor so the server would have to bring her clean utensils to see if she thanked the server.  The server did not receive a thank you.  He got a nod and a smile.

She has a lot of qualities that I look for in a woman.  She doesn’t really have any bad qualities that I have noticed.  But I might stop seeing her because of this.  I’ve thought about saying something to her about it.  But the subject seems awkward to me because it seems like  common sense/manners that if someone does something for you, you say thank you.

I’m a picky guy.  But is stopping seeing someone because they don’t say thank you being too picky?

Self Forgiveness

Most of my posts are usually goofy bad dating stories.  This one’s kinda serious.  I’m not exactly sure how to put it.  So I just will.

Without getting into too much detail, I had some issues with family members from the past.  Those family members are now trying to make amends for some stuff they did that I took a lot of the blame for. 

I read up on self forgiveness and I’ve tried some of the stuff I’ve read.  I received some apologies from the family members involved and I said I appreciated their apology.  But I’ve blamed myself for some of what happened for years.  Now I’m supposed to just say, “Okay, you’re forgiven.”  And I let myself off the hook for this stuff as well.  I thought I did that years ago.  But now that these people have resurfaced, it’s dredging up all these old feelings.  

In theory, it makes sense.  You except responsibility for what happened, but you let it go and not guilt yourself over it.  I think that’s easier said than done.  How do you just let stuff go?  Anyone been in a similar situation?  Anyone have any tips on self forgiveness?  It would be much appreciated.

Online Offline Follow Up Got Me Thinking

I apologize for not updating this sooner, for those of you that are interested.  And I appreciate that you are:)

Amy (This is the first time I’m addressing someone by name.  Even though I’m not using her real name.  And I didn’t tell her write a blog.) met for dinner this past Friday.  Through our online dating experience, we were going to leave it as a simple dinner and if it was smooth, follow it up by going to a comedy club.    Dinner went smooth enough and we did make it to the comedy club.  All in all, it was a good night and a good date.  But I was wishy washy on seeing her again.

The original nostalgia that was there when we met wore off on the phone conversation we had setting up our date.  We really didn’t have too much in common besides our online dating war stories.  And she had a lot more than I did because she was doing it for so long.  I do like her.  But that spark that I look for wasn’t there.  She and I talked about it last night.  She thanked me for my honesty.  We did have good conversation as I mentioned and decided to meet once or twice a month for coffee.

Two things came out of that date, one good and one I’m still pondering per a conversation I had with one of my good friends the night after the date.  He commended me for realizing that this girl isn’t someone I would to be in a relationship with and for communicating that to her.  He said I’m maturing and growing up.  Back story on him is, he’s been married for five years and like to think he’s a big brother figure in my life even though he’s only a few months older than I am.  I agreed with that.  

What pissed me off a little was when he said the big warning flag on her should have been was that she has been doing online dating for over 10 years.  His reasoning was that people go on these sites specifically to find someone and if it takes that long, there must be an issue with the person.  I said that there is no difference if it takes someone over 10 years online or off of it to find someone one wants to be with.  The method shouldn’t matter.  We left it with a “whatever and I’ll talk to you later.”

After I got off the phone with my friend, I started thinking about it.  The method in which people meet shouldn’t matter, right?  I don’t think so.  But then I put myself in that position and it did get to me a little.  I have no problem being single.  And if it takes a while to find what I’m looking for or if I never do, I’m fine with that.  But something about doing it online for say the next 10 years did sound a little… not great:)  Maybe it is just that, the sound of it because even though online dating is completely mainstream, there still is that small stigma that it’s kinda weird.  And doing it for over 10 years makes it sound a little weirder.  

Anyone want to weigh in here?  Any other people been doing it for over 10 years?  Is there a point where too much online dating is too much?  I liked the sound of those line:)  Sounds like they’re from a talk show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You Meet Online Offline

I was in Starbucks the other day and struck up a conversation with a girl in line.  She commented on the color of my shirt.  I commented on her decorative glass frames.  Neither of us were in a hurry.  So we sat down and drank our coffee together.

Early on in our conversation, it was revealed that she is a veteran of the online dating world.  I still consider myself a rookie as I’ve only been doing it for the last few months.  (That still constitutes rookie status, right?)  She had some great stories as she has done it on and off for the 12 years.  I shared some of my stories.  We laughed for a half an hour before we were both on our way.  

Anyway, we decided to talk early next week to schedule a date.  I thought it was ironic that we’re both on online dating sites, but we met the old fashioned way.  We’ll see what happens.  Maybe I’ll have to start a new blog, 35andnotonlinedatinganymore:)

Bitter, Party Of 1.

I had a date with a girl last night from OKStupid. (We’ll get to why I’m calling it that a little later.)  We had talked on the phone twice earlier this week and had decent conversations.  Nothing the blew my hair back about them.  She sounded a little standoffish.  But she also sounded intelligent and looked attractive in her pics.  Cocktails and a bite to eat, why not?

Name on the list.  30 minute wait.  Into the bar for drinks.  Our conversations were light on the phone.  It got heavy and deep real quick in person, which was fine.  The problem was she would ask me questions about certain subjects that I would answer.  But when I asked her the same things, she didn’t want to answer.  She would turn the question back around on me again.  Then, she would knock my answers.  

I started to get a little uncomfortable and it just wasn’t going well.  I think she sensed this and she said, “It seems like you can’t take the heat, do you want to get out of the kitchen?”  I said that I can take the heat, but this kitchen just isn’t really my style.  To which she said, “You’re not really my style either.  Guys like you are why the site should be called OKStupid.”  Then she launched into a short spiele about how she can’t find someone on her level of intelligence… blah, blah, blah.  Just then the hostess came up to us.  Paul party of 2.  I said you can change that to bitter party of 1.  I threw down the money for our drinks and walked.  

Now I don’t claim to be a rocket scientist.  But I have a brain and know how to use it.  But when she made the OkStupid remark, I took a little offense to it as I don’t liked to be lumped into any type of group with that kind of negative connotation attached to it. At the time I was also a little pissed at myself because I broke one of my online dating codes which is if it’s kind of awkward on the phone, it’s probably not going to be good in person.  That’s just the experiences I’ve had and this last date totally validated that.

I don’t think I was wrong in walking out.  But I’m wondering, how do other people handle dates that aren’t going well.  Do you stick it out?  Or do leave when it becomes unbearable?

Back to the online drawing board.

 

 

Let The Good Times Roll, Not!

Why do married people troll on regular dating sites to meet people?  They have site strictly for sex.  And they have sites for married people that want to cheat.  I met a girl in her early 30s who after three witty phone conversations and one awesome date at a sushi restaurant with a great soft shell crab roll, she told me that she was married.  I liked her.  But being the other man is not my style.

She actually gave me a little shit because she said that most men would jump at the opportunity to hook up with a girl who won’t bother them and would only want to see them for a few hours a week for sex.  I told her that most men (and in reality it’s probably more like half the men) are dipshit assholes that would do something like that.  I’m not most men.

I’m bummed because we actually got along very well and she was attractive.  Back into the pool of fish:)

Soul Mates

What about the women that state in the profile or subject line that they are looking for their soul mate?  Ladies, I haven’t read too many men’s profiles.  So I’m not sure if men write that as well.

Now I’m all for people finding what they want and being happy.  But when you put in your profile that you’re looking your soul mate, aren’t you setting the expectations kind of high from the start?  I understand it might weed out the guys that want to hit it and quit it.  But I would think guys that are open to something very serious and committed might be frightened off.  I am.

Does anyone else feel this way?  Women, do men write in their profiles that they’re looking for a soul mate?  I’m curious.