Self Forgiveness

Most of my posts are usually goofy bad dating stories.  This one’s kinda serious.  I’m not exactly sure how to put it.  So I just will.

Without getting into too much detail, I had some issues with family members from the past.  Those family members are now trying to make amends for some stuff they did that I took a lot of the blame for. 

I read up on self forgiveness and I’ve tried some of the stuff I’ve read.  I received some apologies from the family members involved and I said I appreciated their apology.  But I’ve blamed myself for some of what happened for years.  Now I’m supposed to just say, “Okay, you’re forgiven.”  And I let myself off the hook for this stuff as well.  I thought I did that years ago.  But now that these people have resurfaced, it’s dredging up all these old feelings.  

In theory, it makes sense.  You except responsibility for what happened, but you let it go and not guilt yourself over it.  I think that’s easier said than done.  How do you just let stuff go?  Anyone been in a similar situation?  Anyone have any tips on self forgiveness?  It would be much appreciated.

Online Offline Follow Up Got Me Thinking

I apologize for not updating this sooner, for those of you that are interested.  And I appreciate that you are:)

Amy (This is the first time I’m addressing someone by name.  Even though I’m not using her real name.  And I didn’t tell her write a blog.) met for dinner this past Friday.  Through our online dating experience, we were going to leave it as a simple dinner and if it was smooth, follow it up by going to a comedy club.    Dinner went smooth enough and we did make it to the comedy club.  All in all, it was a good night and a good date.  But I was wishy washy on seeing her again.

The original nostalgia that was there when we met wore off on the phone conversation we had setting up our date.  We really didn’t have too much in common besides our online dating war stories.  And she had a lot more than I did because she was doing it for so long.  I do like her.  But that spark that I look for wasn’t there.  She and I talked about it last night.  She thanked me for my honesty.  We did have good conversation as I mentioned and decided to meet once or twice a month for coffee.

Two things came out of that date, one good and one I’m still pondering per a conversation I had with one of my good friends the night after the date.  He commended me for realizing that this girl isn’t someone I would to be in a relationship with and for communicating that to her.  He said I’m maturing and growing up.  Back story on him is, he’s been married for five years and like to think he’s a big brother figure in my life even though he’s only a few months older than I am.  I agreed with that.  

What pissed me off a little was when he said the big warning flag on her should have been was that she has been doing online dating for over 10 years.  His reasoning was that people go on these sites specifically to find someone and if it takes that long, there must be an issue with the person.  I said that there is no difference if it takes someone over 10 years online or off of it to find someone one wants to be with.  The method shouldn’t matter.  We left it with a “whatever and I’ll talk to you later.”

After I got off the phone with my friend, I started thinking about it.  The method in which people meet shouldn’t matter, right?  I don’t think so.  But then I put myself in that position and it did get to me a little.  I have no problem being single.  And if it takes a while to find what I’m looking for or if I never do, I’m fine with that.  But something about doing it online for say the next 10 years did sound a little… not great:)  Maybe it is just that, the sound of it because even though online dating is completely mainstream, there still is that small stigma that it’s kinda weird.  And doing it for over 10 years makes it sound a little weirder.  

Anyone want to weigh in here?  Any other people been doing it for over 10 years?  Is there a point where too much online dating is too much?  I liked the sound of those line:)  Sounds like they’re from a talk show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You Meet Online Offline

I was in Starbucks the other day and struck up a conversation with a girl in line.  She commented on the color of my shirt.  I commented on her decorative glass frames.  Neither of us were in a hurry.  So we sat down and drank our coffee together.

Early on in our conversation, it was revealed that she is a veteran of the online dating world.  I still consider myself a rookie as I’ve only been doing it for the last few months.  (That still constitutes rookie status, right?)  She had some great stories as she has done it on and off for the 12 years.  I shared some of my stories.  We laughed for a half an hour before we were both on our way.  

Anyway, we decided to talk early next week to schedule a date.  I thought it was ironic that we’re both on online dating sites, but we met the old fashioned way.  We’ll see what happens.  Maybe I’ll have to start a new blog, 35andnotonlinedatinganymore:)